When reading anti-gun editorials and such, it never ceases to amaze me the nonsense and ignorance wafting through the air. It never fails that those who write such editorials don't have a clue about anything they're talking about. Now that the infamous 1994 U.S. assault weapons ban has expired, there has been a slew of new anti-gun editorials and such throughout the internet. This editorial here is overflowing with ignorance, and I couldn't help but respond to it. I know the author would never respond if I emailed her, so I decided to write up a response and stick it here on The Peanut Gallery. Enjoy.

Source

(Original article in italics.)

In my never-ending quest to make sense of men who make no sense to me, I did some research on those he-men hootin' and hollerin' over the recent demise of the Assault Weapons Ban.

The 10-year ban on semiautomatic weapons was supported by every president from Gerald Ford to Bill Clinton, not to mention the majority of Americans.

Even so, it died with a whimper, which sounds a lot like wimp, which defines most elected officials whenever they're staring down the barrel of the National Rifle Association.

Your kind acts like you don't pressure people to do things your way either, only the evil NRA ever forces people to do things their way. You make yourself look stupid when you spout nonsense such as this.

Why, I wondered, do some men want to shoot off semiautomatic assault weapons when they already get to carry regular guns?

What is a "regular gun"? Bolt-action rifles? My goodness, that would be boring to shoot. By the way, I've never hunted in my life.

What could these men be thinking?

Shredding paper targets at the range is fun, and having to work the action after every single shot wouldn't be very fun. That's what we're thinking.

(And yes, I know, there are some women who like to carry guns, too, but I don't know any of them except through their nasty messages and frankly, we're not going to be meeting over margaritas anytime soon. My favorite was the woman who said the reason I don't like guns is because I look like a buffalo and I'm afraid I'll be shot on the streets of Cleveland. Such women make me proud of the sisterhood, let me tell you.)

People like that woman give the rest of us gun owners a bad image.

A lot of men argue that they need these assault weapons for hunting, but how much firepower do you need when you're aiming at a defenseless creature who, in the case of deer, can't even look up into the trees where you're waiting to shoot them?

Enough to kill it with one shot so it doesn't run away in pain and bleed to death. Not many people hunt deer with "assault weapons", anyway. The .223 Remington round (a common cartridge used by "assault weapons") is so small that in many places, it's ILLEGAL to hunt deer with. Deer hunters more commonly use bolt action rifles in large calibers. (Bolt action rifles are probably what you described as "normal guns".)

No. There's something more going on here. I was sure of it.

I started browsing the gun-owner Web sites, and my eyes lighted up like a bunny in the cross hairs of an AK-47. They are full of first-person testimonials to the power of bigger-faster-stronger, and praise-Jesus prose thanking God and the NRA that they can wrap their hands around their pistol grips and grenade launchers.

Grenade launchers are extremely difficult to get. I'd REALLY like you to show me a regular Joe Blow with a grenade launcher, because I've never seen one.

Woven throughout the texts are "discharge" this and "firepower" that,

"Discharge" means to shoot. How can you talk about guns without talking about shooting?

and all this talk about endurance, barrel extenders and being "spent."

Barrel extenders? I've never heard of those. Endurance? I really wouldn't want my gun blowing up after firing it a couple times. "Spent" means using the ammunition. A gun uses ammunition. It seems people like you are scared of guns because you don't understand the terminology, it just SOUNDS scary.

Suddenly, it was clearer to me than a rifle scope freshly wiped with Windex.

Web site after Web site, it's the same old questions: Is it big enough?

As far as I know, most people would rather have SMALLER guns...

How many times can it fire once it's loaded?

Not many people want to spend half their time at the range loading magazines.

Is the pistol grip protruding conspicuously beneath the stock?

I'm pretty sure NOBODY in the world gives a darn if the grip protrudes "conspicuously beneath the stock". Pistol grips are more comfortable to use, simple as that.

And, my, the braggin.' As long as the trigger is squeezed, writes one man, ammo "will continue to be fired in rapid succession until the supply . . . is exhausted."

This man was talking about a machine gun, which have been HEAVILY regulated since 1934, and the manufacture of new machine guns for civilians was banned in 1986. That man was not bragging, he was explaining what a machine gun was.

A muzzle brake will help a guy "reduce recoil and upward barrel movement." It will even enhance "night firing."

Please explain to me why this is a bad thing.

Oh, the things I learned. One guy said he needs a semiautomatic weapon because he wants it to function reliably whether it is "hot, snowing, raining or it has just been dropped in the mud." (That must be one of those farmer-and-the-sheep jokes.)

What's your point?

His weapon "must also maintain its point of impact despite harsh treatment (translation: ridicule and laughter),

What the crud? Are you just completely retarded?

and if hunting in heavy brush, a short-barreled gun is easier to point quickly. The gas-actuated semiautomatic action . . . reduces the punishing recoil . . . making it more usable for older men . . . and men of small stature."

Yeah. We're talking about hunting.

Okay. And?

Fellas, listen to me. How many times do we have to tell you? It's not about the equipment. It's how you use it. We don't care about speed unless it's about how fast you're going to take out the garbage. And if you think our measure of your success is how many rounds you can fire, then you've been watching too many ads for Viagra.

Now you think we want guns to impress the ladies? To be more manly? You're not even close.

Now, I do anticipate getting some mail on this one. In the past, if I so much as write "gun" and "no" in the same paragraph, I get about 10,456 e-mails before 8 a.m. All those years of quacking like a duck at dawn makes you a morning person, I guess, and the only thing gun owners like better than shooting off their guns is shooting off their mouths via the Internet.

I know the routine. They'll call me names, quote Gandhi and then tell me I have a dirty mind for dreaming up such nonsense about them and their guns.

OK, so maybe I'm wrong and Freud was right: Sometimes a gun is just a gun.

That's right.

Just don't accuse me of pistol envy.

Sure thing.

~Linus